memories never fade away

I got engaged :)

2010-10-12T07:51:00.000+05:30

Finally I have taken the first step towards the married life..I got engaged on last Sunday. It was an awesome function happened in "J" s place. She was looking very beautiful. I should say thanks to all those who made it a success.

Jesus I Thank you for giving me such a wonderful girl.

Happiest Days Of My Life!!

2010-08-18T00:03:00.000+05:30

My marriage will be fixed on this Sunday at my home..I am going through the happiest days of my life..I quite smoking on the day it got confirmed. Anyway her name is 'J'. Yes, yet another J. She happens to be a friend of my sisters.

I am just waiting for the day of marriage. I am eagerly waiting for day we are becoming one. One thing I have decided that, I will love her to the core and I will never make her cry. After all she is mine and I am seeing myself in her.

'J' I am totally in love with you!!!.. I Love You!!!

Yet another pain ..

2010-08-11T00:13:00.000+05:30

It is been 3 months since the last post.. It is not that i was bussy with work and all. I just didn't have anything write down.. Now that I have yet another "happpy" incident to talk about, I decided to write it down..

I ahve seen another girl 2 weeks backs and she was the friend of my sisters. we proposed her and they have invited us to their home on 1st of August. We all impressed with the family and invited them to our place.

They came to our home on last sunday and all were happy aboutit and kind of decided forthe marriage.

But now I feel that they are looking for someone better since I am bloody "Sales Guy" who does not have a "fucking office in Cochin". I understand that is a major default. But I earnrs 40,000/month which is more than enough for me to support a girl/family.

Bloody what is happening for those who got the cost of office on their head..I ahve seenmany people loosing their fucking job in a days time.. eventhough I do not have an office here in Cochin I am kinda safe and I can move to a better job from here..

Thet family was good and I want this to happen. I really do not know what lies ahead.

If my intution is true, this marriage will just not happen..

And bloody I will have to start the hunting front the scratch.

"Cheers"

Life. What is that?

2010-05-02T11:58:00.002+05:30

Life!!

I always wonder what it has been offering me so far.. been blessed with a loving parents & sisters. the necessary luxuries of life.. education.. what else you need form life?

By the time you realize what is life and what do you what from it, it may be too late.. That what happening to me..

I have been wandering around for a little drop of love.. the bruised person.. Still I remember the walk with Joby through Jalahalli.. When he said his girlfriend totally understands him as a person, I got wounded.. "ഒരു വാഴ്ള്‍ നിന്റെ ഹൃദയത്തില്‍ കൂടി കടന്നു പോകും " എന്ന് ബൈബിളില്‍ പറഞ്ഞത് പോലെ. ഹൃദയം നുറുങ്ങുന്ന വേദന. എന്നെ സ്നേഹിക്കാന്‍ മാത്രം ആരുമില്ല.ആര്‍ക്കും വേണ്ട. പാഴ് ജന്മം. ആ യാഥാര്‍ഥ്യം മനസിലാക്കുമ്പോലുള്ള ശൂന്യത. നിറഞ്ഞ കണ്ണുകള്‍.തകര്‍ന്ന ഹൃദയം. കരള്‍ പിളര്‍ക്കുന്ന കഠോര വേദന.

yesterday my sisters were talking about one of their old friend, whom they think we can propose for a marriage..

As a habit, I was checking the girl's name in Google.. She got married a week back.. That too a love marriage.. I am became "happy" again..

Why is it happening to me only.. bloody, I am the one who is been cursed. The one who lost everything. May be even this is the so called life.. Who knows.. Whenever I see a love marriage couple, I am green with jealous. I just can't accept that they been in love and got married where I have not been loved throughout my life. I stopped attending marriage ceremonies.

J got married

2010-05-02T10:32:00.005+05:30

FYI

Just got to know that J got married recently...

May god bless her..

Ciao

Yes - I am back..

2010-04-18T16:16:00.000+05:30

It is been couple of weeks from the last post.. been little bussy with travelling across Kerala. Now i am in the train on the way back from Mumbai after the national sales conference. The sales meet has not been different from anyother sales meet you can expect - Gyan & Daru.. What else you can expect from a sales meet?

Mumbai is a city wich offers opportunity for the people from all the walks of life. Be it a CEO or a begger in the street. City with lot of opportunities and dreams. Everytime I visit Mumbai, it offers a different view towards life.Our life is not complete, without experiecing the Mumbai life. The work ethics of the Mumbaikars should always been appreciated. Only thing I am bit uncomfirtable with Mumbai - Long hours of travel in the train. I have seen people travelling 5 hours daily just to be to the work and to the home. Even then, I beleive they enjoy it .

I am carrying couple of books and want to finish before i reach Cochin tomorrow evening.

I am deserted..

2010-03-27T22:26:00.011+05:30

I have been pushed to the limits. I am deserted and in pain.

I am not able to hear the voice of the so called "xaviour".

Life is at a stake. The girl whom i loved the most is leading a wonderfull life without me in the picture. She is been saved and blessed.I been left for drowning.

Distance to the grave is not too far. It is justa walkable distance. Anytime I can visit there. I may not be back for the next post :)

It was only a dream.

2010-03-23T23:08:00.001+05:30

Last night I had a dream. It goes like this..

J has called me asked why I am not calling her..

I got up with lots of hope and love.

I am sad because it was just a dream..

I am sad..

2010-03-22T22:15:00.002+05:30

I feel so lonely.. i feel so sad..

Hiding girl !!!

2010-03-19T00:19:00.001+05:30

On the way back from tvm, i was thinking about my desire to get married at the earliest. I really do not know whether it will happen soon or not. I still beleive a girl is waiting for me somewhere. It is all about dig her out :) May that happen soon.

The hiding girl - I am in totally love with you!!

I apologize to my Appa & Mamma.. Pls forgive..

2010-03-11T23:56:00.002+05:30

Today has turned out to be the most unfortunate day for me in the recent years just because of my senceless behaviour. I had been to my home along with my friends to register the brand new car. My parents have prepared the breakast for us. They have taken all the pain to prepare it. More over they were very happy to see our brand new vehicle.

I have gone nuts today due to different reasons. I could not behave them properly when my friends were around. I did not even shown the car properly to them. I did not make them sit inside the car. Since I had to reach the RTO office before the deadline for registration I was under pressure and spoiled entire happiness of the day.

My Appa & Mamma has cleaned the entire house so that it may appear nice to my friends. But bloody me has spoiled all the mood of the day. They have asked me to come back by afternoon. Probably they wanted to see the car and wanted to go for a ride too. Me the stupid did not realize their desire and said I am going back to Cochin. I did a blunder by doing so.

When i called my mamma by afternoon she was weeping. Evening she called me up and asked me what went wrong with me. Then only I realised the mistake i did. I called them back and apologized to them for the first time in my life. They said its ok, still I know i just cant't wipe out the scar I left today.

My tearfull appologies to My dearest Appa & Mamma.

Gush of Memories!!

2010-03-07T22:49:00.000+05:30

Thanks to all those so called social networking & photo sharing sites. Today was a kinda special day for me because i could dig out my "old girl's" photos from picassa. She is looking the same old beautiful girl who has stolen my heart many years back and then broken it. A gush of memories!!!.Happy & Sad indeed.She was my angel. The first girl whom I respected.The relationship helped to understand the importance of true friendship too. She is blessed with a gentle partner & a cute baby girl. She was in USA for a year and back to Bangalore i beleive. Wherever she is - may she be blessed with a beautiful life.
Still i remember the day she got married. I was broken and i was staying alone. It was a very tough time. I made my pillow wet many time with my tears. Everytime I attend a mariage I felt sad and broken. I always wanted to get married to her. Then slowly I sarted to realize what was it all about. I was not the one for her. The one for me is somewhere else.

നഷ്ടം

2010-03-05T00:57:00.000+05:30

എനിക്ക് ഇഷ്ടം തോന്നിയ പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയോട് അത് തുറന്നു പറയാന്‍ കഴിഞ്ഞില്ല എന്നതാണ് ഒരു വ്യക്തി എന്ന നിലയില്‍ എന്‍റെ
ഏറ്റവും വലിയ പരാജയം.

Power of money

2010-03-03T16:02:00.001+05:30

Whether you like it or not, i beleive most of the relations are revolving around a single concept - Money. It may sound wiered but that is the truth. It has been like this ever since the concept of money has came into existance. People give respect by looking at the car you drive, the bank account you hold etc. No one can be blamed for this. It is like this only. Why to look around for more reasons? Just go to your home and see it. Your parents will be more inclined towards to the erning member of the family. if you are at the consuming end, you know what. Money makes all the difference in your life.

When it comes to marriages too, it playes "the" major role. Had i been little more rich i would have got married to Shy long back. But it just didn't happen. I was shattered for many years and then i realized this.

Do not spent much money for your siblings - they jsut forget it. You should save & invest the money for yourself. I may sound selfish. i don't care. It is the fact.

Now that i have to pay a emi of Rs 22500/month, i will have to keep my dream about marriage in shelf for another year. By the time i will cross my 29 and become a scrap.

Yet another V day!

2010-02-14T20:51:00.002+05:30

Yet another Valentine's day is passing over without me getting married.. It is not that i am desperate to get married and have sex.. NO.. for me it is all about loving someone with all your heart and being committed to the relationship i nuture. May be you can say i belong to the old school of thought. I have never been a guy who just utilising the girls for the lust. I have been seriously thinking( better i would use the word dreaming) about getting married for the last 2-3 years without any success. The next V day i should be with my wife i hope. Let me wait and see what lies ahead for me in 2010.

But let me be very clear that i do not want a marriage of convenience. That will spoil the entire ball game. I would love to get married to a girl whom i beleive we both would be comfortable to each other.

Many of my friends got married in the last couple of years and i have been bussy attending the functions. Now i need to start the game and need to get settled asap. i have been living alone for almost 13years. fed up and frustated without much company to open up.

Bussy Sunday.

2010-01-31T22:30:00.000+05:30

Today i travelled a bit. Got up by 5.30AM(never happens in a sunday) and went to my elder sisiter's place. there we arranged a "Pennukanal" for my younger sister. The guy was just not impressive by his shabby looks. He was not properly shaved and dressed. The first impression was very bad. Anyway we decided not to take it further..

From there we reached my uncle's home at Kottayam for yet another "pennukanal" for the other sisiter. The guy & his family was just very simple and humble. But there is no way we can match between them. Anyway we went to see his house and decided to drop that too just because they don't become a good pair..

Been to my elder sister's home too. She is bussy with the baby boy "Abootty". We talked about J for a couple of minuts.She is also not that ok with it.. anyway we said a NO to them. So there is no point in thinkin of it..

By 10PM i am back to Cochin for the next week..

Yet another day!!

2010-01-28T22:17:00.000+05:30

Today i met my friend Ajay - the old icici guy-in cochin. He has joined IndusInd bank after a long strugle during recession. He was happy to meet me who stood with him throughout the bad phase of life. given some money in credit. He has also agreed to join my chit fund from next month (thank god i can prove my dad that i can also do the business as he does).

Sadly. i became the witness of two motorcycle accidents also. But by god's grace nothing much has happened to the riders. i should be more carefull on the roads.

I saw J's photo in a matrimonial site. She looks beautiful. My friends said the same.

May god bless her..

Back to Cochin

2010-01-27T23:46:00.000+05:30

Today morning i came back to Cochin. My mama was bit tensed i was not keeping well on the last day. My parents are worried since they knew that i wanted to take Js proposal further. I was thinking about future in the morning while i was on the bus. She is around 27 now, which is bit of an old age for a girl with her background.

May god bless her with a good husbund & beautifull family...

Adjusting with realities

2010-01-26T19:32:00.000+05:30

Yesterday i was sharing about my first meet with J. Even my parents were impressed with what we experienced at her home.

J was a beautiful girl with lot of good qualities. The way she presented herself and her ideas towards life was just amazing. I have not seen many girls with such a positive attitude towards life. After a hiatus of about 4 years i am looking at a girl with lot of respect.I am impressed.

But since her sister is got married to another cast my parents are not ready to take it further. I know this has nothing to do with J.This may affect the future generation they say.

I am thinking what to do?

I am sad..

First experience!!!

2010-01-25T23:14:00.002+05:30

This was the first time i am talking to a girl( except my sisters) for more than 15 minuts ever since i left college 5 years back!!!! :)

Well, today was my first official "Pennulkanal" ( old indian tradition where the boy meets the girl and her parents at her home for the first time). Her name was J( let me use only the first letter of her name due to privacy reasons). As the name sounds she was beautifull by appearance & by behaviour..

To be open, i have taken all the cards from the deck to convince her that i would be a good match for her.. Well, i have taken all the "sales strategies" to do the same..

She is beautifull @ heart i beleive... Her brother Dr. Nice is an amazing young chap with lot of good qualities..

We have expressed our interest right after the meeting. Now it is there turn for a response.I am not that hopefull of getting a positive response. I dont mind it anyway since i have gone through much more bitter phase in life..

Any way today has turned out to be a new beginning in life...

As Curt said " I would rather be hated for who i am than be loved for who i am not. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are"...

J - May God Bless You..

2010 - let this year be a turning point in life..

2010-01-01T12:04:00.000+05:30

Not much so called new year reselutions.. i need to ramp up the business activities.. need to start a chit fund in a small way.. need to develope and launch the wesite for the travell business..

I need to be more motivated towards life and its struggles..

May god bless all of us..

Trying for a come back in life.

2009-12-13T12:15:00.000+05:30

I am trying for a real come back in my life. I have been written off( i mean it) by many during differant stages of my life. By my relatives, friends, social circle, girl firiend, so on. But i had a dream of being a businessman. i could not fullfill it so far.All my efforts have gone in vain.

But, now i can see a light at the end of the tunnel. i am hopefuull that i will just not get burned out by the time i reach the end as it happened earlier. All my future lies in the progress and growth of my newborn website.I want this to be the prefered travel site for many honeymooners to kerala.

I also want to known as a man who came back from the ashes of failure & self distruction.

Investment Bankers: New age Robbers

2009-11-28T11:30:00.000+05:30

Hi
Markets are back to 5000 levels & itseems people had forgot what was happening during last year same time..
All the so called Investment Bankers(IB) were scratching their ass. they had nothing to say for loosing the investors money..they were talking about the De Coupling(who knows what) theory and all..since the markets stated crashing down, they started talking about so called " long term investments". The glamorous C bank, I bank, H Bank etc were on the brink of collapsing down, especialy the C bank & I bank.

Now at the fag end of November 2009, they are back in action with big words puking out of their mouth. They think people around them are stupids & whatever(bullshit) they puke people will beleive that.

Most of the Indian IBs try to sell ULIPs as a part of so called "long term investments". No one tells to their customers about the charges being levied in this "structured product".

They will tell you about the inflation, goal based saving, retirement benefits, childs marriage(they are most worried about your daughter's marriage than you!), education, health & try to (mis)sell a ULIP product.

They all carry the title of so called relationship manager(buthcher). They are neatly dressed professional robbers. They do not keep you at gun point & rob. They smile at you talk big(often bullshit & crap).

The good old days

2006-11-25T17:45:00.000+05:30

Today, being a saturday evening i am just having a fag and trying to turn back the pages of my life.

Life was so easy when i was a boy. I Still remember those days when i used to go out and get a "BALARAMA" for just Rs 1.5. Just because of the innocense i thought that the characters in "Jungle Book", were lived in the forest near to us. Well, i had a passion for shouting for anything and everything during my childhood. I used to go out and injoy all the freedom of boyhood...Its been donkey's years from then.

Now the second stage - the colourfull(less) teenage...

i got attracted to naxalite movements(only ideas) and all those stuff by the age of 13-14. I was a complete rebel when during my teens..I used to fight with my siblings for all good reasons.I wanted to start my own business at the age of 15 and got scrwed from my pappa(now he became a close friend of mine). But never had a serious crush towards anyone..But the time during mu PDC has gone wild with many reasons(stupid)...

Toaday

2006-11-18T16:11:00.001+05:30

The dark clouds are spreading around me….
It is F****** raining outside, as if somebody died…..
Here nobody is listening that I am weeping inside…
I m trying to believe that every cloud has a silver lining….
Time is up….
You cannot look back and walk away from the truth…
It is as hard as a dry born….
Whatever you do, time is up….

My hope left me on a Saturday.....

2006-11-18T14:43:00.000+05:30

My hope left on a Saturday………..
Well, my life, my love left me on a Saturday….
Here I am alone with my lost memories…
Burried inside my sinking soul..

Ashtray is been filled with sleepless nights….
Eyes are sunken n dried….
Stubbles have eaten my face…
"I" became somebody else...

I have stretched myself to the end…
There is no going back……
I bacame a scrap...

I thought you would give me little more time…

Don't worry about the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just burnt out......

Life @ Bangaloru

2006-11-17T12:53:00.001+05:30

Well,

I was away from home for almost 10 years...many school product, to be precise....

i stayed in Bangalore for 4 years- the craziest,colourfull(less)?, days of my yuth...

If if brush up my grey cells i can remember the day Dec27(4 years back) , i landed Bangalore with one phone no.. That belong to my friend Mr.Alex(Premod).

Wot a confidence rite?

Well, met a lot of faces during the last 4 years....

Many turned up to be good friends.... (Had some fair weather friends also)

Had a lot of experience which are so close to life....

The day i bid good bye to Bangalore i felt that i have been blessed with some good friends...

Bangalore i love u.... i miss u....